It goes without saying that MUSIC is my escape and my obsession. When things suck in my life, I turn to music. Lately my stress at work has been elevated. People are grouchy and mean. Everything is NOW NOW NOW! Today was seriously an overwhelming day at work. Social distancing, major construction, repaving the driveways and parking lots, raining/snowing, truck deliveries getting re-routed to outer space and then my department is shorthanded. My supervisor has no compassion or a soul for that matter. I think that’s all. I got a bottle of wine waiting at home. But I also have music by my side.
Then I start worrying about things in my personal life. Do my obsessions take over my life. Am I a good father? Do I live up to the responsibilities of a good husband. Do I pray enough? Perhaps I eat too much junk food? Do I bother people on social media. I think I text too much. What is love? Do I wear my heart on my sleeve too loudly? I believe that I am a good person. My time on this planet is short. I just want to make the most of it.
I need a new playlist. Open to suggestions. This playlist is intended to comfort me in these hours of darkness and melancholy. But I am lost for words and ideas. Uninspired and drifting through my days lately. Laughter has always been a part of my personality. Humor gets me through my days just as much as music does. But I cannot help but just feel sad sometimes. A lot of people don’t appreciate me. Some do. I acknowledge them. They are great.
I wish I could stop dwelling on the things I don’t have. My impatience takes over me. I get over excited about people and things in my life. I don’t even know the point of this ramble.
So now I’m going to use this time to reflect a little bit and once again look into my past. I miss my family and all of our gatherings. From simple visits to grandma and grandpa’s house to long drives to Florida or to New York. I miss all of the birthday parties, Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. I loved watching my cousins grow up and making them all laugh when I danced with Santa Claus. I miss my friends from high school and college.
You know who you are. I thought something like Facebook was going to bring us together forever but life happens no matter what kind of social media comes along because we are not in control of our lives anymore. We have to adapt and we have to go wherever the tide takes us. We can surely make choices and we are entitled to our feelings. But the reality is, things burn and they crumble and rust, whether we want them to or not. Ships sink to the bottom of the ocean.
We enjoy the museums to appreciate the relics of our past. People die. Life is precious and we shouldn’t take anything for granted. Look around you. Look at the sun. Embrace the sky. Take a walk while you still can. It’s important to cherish our lives now while we are living them. New families are created and new friends are formed. I am trying to face myself in the mirror and confront my feelings because I have suffered writers block for sometime now.
Once in a great while a creative bubble forms but I am out of the flow. I have endured a great many obstacles in my life. But of course everybody that I know in my life has also endured a lot of pain and suffering as well. Proving once again that we are not alone in this great universe. And now……in my trembling hands with my head shaking in my parked car while listening to the song “Everybody Wants To Rule the World” by Tears for Fears and looking at the railroad tracks and dead trees behind them, I am speaking to everyone in my life (then and now) and I want to give everyone a big hug but I can’t because we are all under house arrest.
So hopefully we can get back to that before the world turns upside down because otherwise I guess it’s been nice knowing you. However, my faith and sense of humor are both strong and it may take a long long time to rebuild this nation. Maybe something really really scary like this has to happen so that everybody could just wake the fuck up!
Music is healing. The songs in my ears are healing. I am always on a quest searching for more songs to capture my world and encompass my feelings. Maybe someone will read this. Otherwise, I hope to gather a bunch of songs and use them for solace and an escape. Ahhh now I breath.
And now I Drop the Mic