Complaints and Grievances Part 1

It goes without saying that MUSIC is my escape and my obsession. When things suck in my life, I turn to music. Lately my stress at work has been elevated. People are grouchy and mean. Everything is NOW NOW NOW! Today was seriously an overwhelming day at work. Social distancing, major construction, repaving the driveways and parking lots, raining/snowing, truck deliveries getting re-routed to outer space and then my department is shorthanded. My supervisor has no compassion or a soul for that matter. I think that’s all. I got a bottle of wine waiting at home. But I also have music by my side.

Then I start worrying about things in my personal life. Do my obsessions take over my life. Am I a good father? Do I live up to the responsibilities of a good husband. Do I pray enough? Perhaps I eat too much junk food? Do I bother people on social media. I think I text too much. What is love? Do I wear my heart on my sleeve too loudly? I believe that I am a good person. My time on this planet is short. I just want to make the most of it.

I need a new playlist. Open to suggestions. This playlist is intended to comfort me in these hours of darkness and melancholy. But I am lost for words and ideas. Uninspired and drifting through my days lately. Laughter has always been a part of my personality. Humor gets me through my days just as much as music does. But I cannot help but just feel sad sometimes. A lot of people don’t appreciate me. Some do. I acknowledge them. They are great.

I wish I could stop dwelling on the things I don’t have. My impatience takes over me. I get over excited about people and things in my life. I don’t even know the point of this ramble.

So now I’m going to use this time to reflect a little bit and once again look into my past. I miss my family and all of our gatherings. From simple visits to grandma and grandpa’s house to long drives to Florida or to New York. I miss all of the birthday parties, Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. I loved watching my cousins grow up and making them all laugh when I danced with Santa Claus. I miss my friends from high school and college.

You know who you are. I thought something like Facebook was going to bring us together forever but life happens no matter what kind of social media comes along because we are not in control of our lives anymore. We have to adapt and we have to go wherever the tide takes us. We can surely make choices and we are entitled to our feelings. But the reality is, things burn and they crumble and rust, whether we want them to or not. Ships sink to the bottom of the ocean.

We enjoy the museums to appreciate the relics of our past. People die. Life is precious and we shouldn’t take anything for granted. Look around you. Look at the sun. Embrace the sky. Take a walk while you still can. It’s important to cherish our lives now while we are living them. New families are created and new friends are formed. I am trying to face myself in the mirror and confront my feelings because I have suffered writers block for sometime now.

Once in a great while a creative bubble forms but I am out of the flow. I have endured a great many obstacles in my life. But of course everybody that I know in my life has also endured a lot of pain and suffering as well. Proving once again that we are not alone in this great universe. And now……in my trembling hands with my head shaking in my parked car while listening to the song “Everybody Wants To Rule the World” by Tears for Fears and looking at the railroad tracks and dead trees behind them, I am speaking to everyone in my life (then and now) and I want to give everyone a big hug but I can’t because we are all under house arrest.

So hopefully we can get back to that before the world turns upside down because otherwise I guess it’s been nice knowing you. However, my faith and sense of humor are both strong and it may take a long long time to rebuild this nation. Maybe something really really scary like this has to happen so that everybody could just wake the fuck up!

Music is healing. The songs in my ears are healing. I am always on a quest searching for more songs to capture my world and encompass my feelings. Maybe someone will read this. Otherwise, I hope to gather a bunch of songs and use them for solace and an escape. Ahhh now I breath.

And now I Drop the Mic

Soul Healing Music

 

I was in the car driving home from work earlier this evening and I started to cry. Emotions began to amplify themselves within my mind. Life, beauty and death surrounded me. Why?

It was the powerful music I was listening to. I’ve been playing this album for over a month now, ever since it was released. Tonight I came to the conclusion that this was spiritual therapy. In fact, not only am I dedicating this blog entry to my niece Samantha, I am proclaiming that a certain album by a certain pair of artists is the most surprising, astonishing and inspiring one of 2016. In my opinion, of course.

This is a personal choice for me. I was going to do my usual countdown of top 10 favorite albums of the year but when a series of songs feel good on my ears and brings me to a place of overwhelming joy and sadness and can make me cry because I am suddenly appreciating everything around me, then I know this is the one to gravitate towards as my favorite album of the year. So let me get right to it.

The artist is Phantogram. They are an American music duo from New York. Josh Carter does vocals and guitars while Sarah Barthel provides vocals and keyboards. Both of them are unbelievable at what they do.

 

 

You could define their music in a number of ways. Lets just say they fall under four major categories. Dream pop, trip hop, electronica and “Shoe gaze”could aptly describe them. I love their awesome rhythms, guitars that swirl, keyboards that transport me to outer space, voices that echo and vibrate and lyrics that move through me.

Their October 7th release of the record, simply titled Three, is something that I can’t seem to play enough of. The songs spin around in my head and they won’t let go of me. I have surrendered to their addictive sounds.

This album, ironically, received mediocre reviews from several online sources. I am not one of them. I can’t explain why there are so many negative and poor reviews but that just doesn’t seem to matter. Perhaps I am sentimental when it comes to heartbreaking songs about losing someone close and dear to you.

I have experienced much tragedy this year. I took group fitness instructor courses and attempted to pass a certification test TWICE and FAILED both times. I lost 2 of my grandmothers within the same week, believe it or not. My wife and I had a miscarriage earlier last summer, which was a deep and personal tragedy. I had several battles with depression as well. So maybe this record speaks to me in a really strong way. Sadness, melancholy and panic attacks surround my soul even as i go through the process of healing.

My niece and I connect in a really special way. We are like kindred spirits when it comes to words, poetry and music and I really believe that she will love this album. Its an engaging listen for the ears and the brain. I think the songs punch pretty hard right into the heart. They help someone like me cope with loss and failure. The songs reassure me that I am not alone trying to sort out my sensitive feelings in this world of opinions, hatred and jealousy. I reflect on the beauty that is all over me when I play these songs.

How can I put this? Its one of the best bands you never heard of. They aren’t quite mainstream but that is just fine with me. The mood of this record is deep, raw and real. I won’t go into great details anymore. I can only provide you with a video and trust that faith and hope will take you on this fantastic musical journey.

I highly recommend you listen to (and watch) this: